Recap of a Lover Who is Flying Away

Will he fly back?  I miss him already and he only walked out the door moments ago.

Our first dinner together was just four days ago at a Korean restaurant.  I ordered my favorite dishes for us.  When all the food came, he asked, "Are you ready?"  I said, "Oh Yeah," and proceeded to quickly clean my chopsticks to pick out from the food when he said, "May I have your hand?"  I looked up, both of his hands were extended in an invitation for mine.  He repeated, "Please give me your hands so we can thank the Lord for these food."  I quickly dropped the chopsticks and gave him my hands and closed my eyes.  As he prayed, I giggled.  So embarrassing!  I have forgotten to pray before every meal.  After all, the last time I went to church was more than 15 years ago.  But his prayer felt great.  I felt connected to him.  It's hard not to like a man who give thanks for what he can experience.

We watched Sistas, a musical about black women's history in America.  Great songs of the times were sang by five beautiful voices.  We loved it.  I decided on this show because he loves music and he loves to sing.  Today, I asked him if he knows much about African American history.  He said he doesn't.  I should not have assumed he knows since I studied it in college.  I will have to bring him up to speed.

We had a good time.  I love this man, so strongly and so quickly.  I know I love him because I want to protect him.  I want him to feel safe in my arms.  I want him to know that I am there for him.  It's the connection that I had been searching for.  At the same time, three days together doesn't make a viable relationship.  He is flying back to Texas tomorrow morning.  It is possible that we won't be seeing each other for some time, unless the offer of employment from a certain company in New Jersey could pay him the salary he needed in light of his child support and alimony obligations.  But I could see that he is trying to be in New York to be near me.  Then again, his children are requesting that he takes another offer in Texas so he could see them every two weeks rather than once a month.

He asked me if I will tell my friends that I am dating him now.  I told him we are not dating.  He was surprised.  He said he thought he had solidified our relationship now, implicitly because I support wherever he chooses to be.  Obviously I support him.  But there is no foundation to our relationship to start a long distance relationship.  I explained that we can't live in our imagination of who the other person is, which is what would happen if we start a long distance dating relationship where I only know about him from what he tells me, and he would only know about me from what I tell him.  He said he is disappointed but he understands.  At the end, he said he considers us dating now, and it doesn't matter what I say.  We kissed, and he can't stop kissing me.

I feel good, and I feel bad.  I feel lucky and I feel I need to be cautious.  I know he loves me and wants to have me in his life.  I asked him to make it happen.   He said he will.