This term is no longer what it use to mean to me. I thought he was the soulmate. But as the months went on, I am less certain of it. I found him self-absorbed. Everything was about him and how he is doing. Does this sound familiar? Yes, I felt that was how the Ex was too - all about him and nothing about me. Perhaps I made it so by recognizing that he was going through a difficult time in his life - the divorce and a new job, with lots of debt accumulated as a result.
I absorbed his stress like a sponge, trying to figure out solutions and helping whenever I can. He started to depend on me, but my life is busy too with lots of responsibilities and stress. The result? He keeps me up all night talking about his work and his issues. Meanwhile, I am dying at this end with no sleep and too much that require my mind to function well in order to keep things in order.
Valentine's Day came and went. I told him I understand because his work is stressful and he is broke.
Then my birthday came and went even though I flew him out to be with me. He made me feel quite not special. If this is how exciting I am to him, then I rather be alone. If making me happy doesn't cross his mind, then I rather be alone. My silence must have woke him up. He sent me flowers through a friend here in NYC. The roses were beautiful, and he added tulips, my favorite flower.
We talked. I said very little aside from, "please don't take me for granted". The rest he seems to know without my telling. He said I am his true love and not to let him go ... he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
If soulmate is not one which hits me like a thunderbolt, then it is experiences like these that a soulmate relationship is formed. I will wait and see. No more shopping for him. This spoils him. No more going out of my way to talk to him. My health and career have to come first as long as he is so far away.
Do I love him? Yes. My heart longs for him and his happiness. I want him to be happy. I just wish there is more I can do to make his life less stressful now. But we all have our struggles. Those struggles are best solved on our own. As he said, he just wants some listening ears.
